The DEI Oath

The Jefferson Council has heard from a tenured University of Virginia professor who has been required to submit a statement detailing his contributions to Diversity, Equity & Inclusion (DEI) in his teaching, research and service. In response, he has composed the following parody. Seeking to avoid administrative retribution and social ostracism, he asks to remain anonymous.

I pledge allegiance to Diversity, Equity and Inclusion, and to those People for whom it represents, without liberty and justice for all.

I promise to discriminate by preferencing certain demographic groups over others, and to stereotype by identifying some demographic groups as “oppressors” and others as “victims,” regardless of individual differences.

Further, I commit to ignore all science that highlights many forms of “privilege” that substantially reduce any racial or gender effects, such as: income, status, network, height, weight, age, looks, IQ, likeability, humor, health, and so forth.

I denounce Martin Luther King and strive to judge people solely by their gender and skin color and not by the content of their character.

In service to DEI, I promise to completely ignore ideological diversity, as free and independent thinkers might corrupt the DEI movement.

Finally, I pledge to indoctrinate this in every class and with every student.